I have debated sharing this here, but on reflecting, I’ve never regretted being vulnerable and I’ve frequently regretted being silent. I’m using my voice because I don’t know how else to move forward. #courage

Our oldest son was diagnosed with Autism a few short weeks ago. It’s a bizarre feeling being equally heartbroken and relieved when you get news like that about your child. For those of you that have been close to us these last 6.5 years, you know that we haven’t had a “typical” parenting experience. We have struggled hard. We have asked for help — sometimes we’ve gotten it, and sometimes we’ve gotten judged instead. We’ve seen so many things improve, and we’ve also seen a few things get harder and harder. So this year, when we started encountering new challenges, we steeled ourselves once again. And this time we got some new information. This is just the beginning, and we’re very much in the discovery phase for treatments and tools that might help all of us move in the right direction. It’s a relief that we’ll have the resources and support to help our child grow in the ways we all want our children to grow.

Which brings me to my point…
A week ago, I was asked to remove my child from group swimming lessons at our City Recreation Center. As far as I can tell, the reasoning was that other parents viewed my child as a distraction to their children’s development. They saw a boy that couldn’t sit still, that was disrupting class, that was misbehaving. Let me tell you what I saw. I saw a boy that had held it together all day in school, which is incredibly challenging for him. I saw a boy that was dunking himself repeatedly because his stomach turns at the smell of chlorine, and when he was under water he couldn’t smell it anymore. I saw a boy that was eager to try out the new skills he was being asked to practice. I saw a boy that deserved to be moving his capable body and practicing his new strokes and learning how to interact in a world that is sometimes confusing for him just like it is for your child.

So parents, if you catch yourself huddled up, whispering or pointing at a child that’s a little “much” for you, could I offer a suggestion? Would you consider that the things that make that child different are things that your child could learn from…things that YOU could learn from? Would you offer that parent a seat or a smile or a conversation instead of a glare or a complaint or judgment that they most certainly don’t need? We aren’t all wired the same, and that, my friends, is a GIFT. That’s not something anyone needs to be protected from, but an opportunity for all of us to learn together. This parenting thing is hard enough. Let’s be kind to one another. It makes us all better.

*Reposted from Facebook from April 20, 2019.